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5 Birthday Presents For Dick DeVos

5 Birthday Presents For Dick DeVos

Yesterday was Amway Dick’s birthday, and I’ve been a-rackin’ my brain on what to get him. What do you get a guy like DeVos? Since I can’t afford to get him anything he might want, I decided to focus on the things he needs.

A day in the life — My first gift to DeVos would be a day in the life of this guy, who sits at the I-75 junction on 8 mile. His sign reads “Hungry. Homeless.” He has the same sign every day, except for one day a year, when his sign reads “Hungry. Homeless. Happy birthday to me.” DeVos doesn’t even know about people like this guy. (Or if he does, he thinks their plight is something to mock.) My present to Dick wouldn’t be a day of shadowing this guy … it would be a real day in his life. Take away Dick’s education, bank accounts, and the comfort in knowing that he could go back to his life when the day is done. Let him fight for survival, live hand to mouth, and when he lays down to rest that night, let the best that he can hope for be that nothing bad happens to him the next day.

A gay child — I wouldn’t wish DeVos on any gay person, but I wouldn’t mind him dealing with some angst in this area. Would the DeVos money stop flowing to the gay bashing groups? Would he ease up on his social conservative agenda? Would he allow his Republican friends to use his child as a political wedge? Would he finally get it?

A job as a teacher — Dick is awesome when it comes to demonizing teachers, the MEA, and public education. Let’s put him in the role of teacher in an inner city school, and give him some responsibility over a classroom. Can he control the room? Resolve conflicts? Guide his students through the class material and ensure that each has a successful outcome? Can he keep his temper when he’s being challenged? Can he keep the kids interested enough to come back? Can he be a role model for all of those young people? Let’s give him some time to find out, and then we’ll ask him again if he thinks our teachers make too much money.

A small business — Dick likes to talk about being a businessman, but Dick’s never had to run a small business. For his birthday, I’d put him charge of a little shop downtown and give him about $1,000 cash in the bank. Let him set the pricing, do the hiring, establish the policies and benefits, control his inventory and scheduling. Let him do the payables, receivables, and the rest of the clerical. Let him do the sales and client contact. After some time at this job, we’ll see if he still thinks that taxes alone are what make or break small business.

Respect for the people of Michigan – Dick has a history of disrespecting the people and our government. He meddles in the state legislature to prevent progress on important legislation. Those are our legislators who are supposed to be working for us. During the debates, he said he would pass laws that are unconstitutional. Our constitution is the document that we created to ensure a fair government for Michigan. He talks about cutting revenue to our government without explaining what costs he would cut. News flash, Dick: it’s our money, not yours. It’s our government, not yours. In DeVos land, it’s his employees, his rules, his money, his budget. In the land of Michigan government, all that stuff is ours. Dick just doesn’t respect that.

Although none of these gifts are returnable, I really hope he keeps the last one.