MSU is SCREWED! (Dick Alert!)

MSU is SCREWED! Remember how Dick dicked the Tigers? Well, heads up Spartans, Dick has his eyes on you!

“you are invited to join Dick DeVos, Mike Bouchard, Congressman Mike Rogers, Saul Anuzis, Betsy DeVos, State Rep. Candidate John Knowles, and Lt. Govenor Candidate Ruth Johnson to a tailgating event hosted by the Michigan Republicans at the MSU vs. Notre Dame game this Saturday in East Lansing.”

Spartans, you have screwed the pooch. You’ll never win another game.

Those of you who plan on attending the game but hope to avoid the Republican scourge, think again:

“In addition to coming out for some food and fun, we need volunteers to help the candidates with the event. After some grilling, we will be walking with our entire Republican team as they mingle through the crowd and spread the good word about our cause, while also recruiting for further campaign help and getting supporters identified. MSU Republicans have assured us that there will be no urchins or gays present, but we want a few extra volunteers clearing the way for Dick and Betsy, just to be sure.”

The team will be wearing candidate shirts, so they should be easy to spot and avoid. If you get stopped by this gang “team”, there are a few rules to keep in mind:

Oh, but the tailgating is only part of the news! Dick has a very exciting opportunity for you, and it doesn’t involve soap or a downline!

“First, we are running through the vital 72-hour test drive at the East Lansing Victory Center (address and contact info at the bottom of this message). We are looking for volunteers to come to the Victory Center to work either a door-to-door shift or a phone shift in our effort to fine-tune our final 72-hour program. It is critical that we get as many volunteers as possible to work through any kinks unforeseen kinks that could arise. Shifts are available Thursday and Friday any time from noon-9:00pm and Saturday 9:00am-9:00pm. Come help us ID supporters and move our Republican Team that much closer to Victory while helping us work through the 72-hour program.”

Sorry East Lansing. Sucks to be you.

Note: can you pick out the evangelical code language?
Note #2: some things in this email are not true.