WWDD - What Won’t Dick Do?

January 14th, 2006 | by christine |

What Won’t Dick Do?

And why not?

Everyone who reads my blog probably knows by now that GOP Gubernatorial candidate Dick DeVos has refused the Democrats’ call for him to make his tax returns public.

Governor Engler did it. Governor Granholm did it. Lieutenant Governor Dick Posthumous did it. But GOP Gubernatorial candidate dick DeVos refuses.

I thought Dick DeVos wanted to be in the company of Michigan Governors. Why wouldn’t he release his tax return?


Is it because …

he’s rich?     The popular theory among my fellow Dems is that once people see how much money DeVos has, his “regular guy” appeal will disappear. I don’t buy that. Sure, he’s got more money than Willy Wonka, but that can’t be the reason. He seems to think it’s cute when he flaunts his money and makes fun of the poor. (personally I give my spare change to the homeless Vietnam Veteran on Miller at I-75) Besides, Willy Wonka is really popular. Cruella’s bitchiness makes us laugh, and lots of us identify with Bruce Wayne’s angst. A guy who can make the list of the fictional 15, can’t be all that bad. So Dick’s wealth is probably not what he’s trying to keep secret.

he’s poor?      It’s highly unlikely, but could it be that our billionaire candidate has less money than we think? Might there be only 8 zeroes instead of 9 on that bottom line? Not that any of us normal-folk would care, but it might hurt his credit with the Republican Caucus.

 
his tax return is blank?      There’s a rule in the multi-level marketing business about never telling anyone how much money you make. (It really hurts your downline when you’re honest about that. )

And of course, there’s no line item on a return for income received from fraud.

he thinks we won’t understand it?      It’s true … most of us are products of secular public schools. We haven’t had the benefit of being taught God’s math, so we probably can’t understand a billionaire’s tax return. But even with my Corunna education, I can figure this out:

       DeVos is an evangelical Christian
+     DeVos has spent millions of his own money to get public money into private schools
+     85% private schools in Michigan are Christian schools
+     DeVos claims his crusade has nothing to do with religion
+     DeVos claims his crusade has nothing to do with destroying the MEA
=     DeVos thinks we’re all stupid

 

he cut 1400 jobs & invested in China?      When times were tough, Dick decided to unemploy Americans while investing heavily in Asian markets. That kind of thing doesn’t go over well in Michigan, for obvious reasons.

…oh … but that kind of thing isn’t on a tax return. So that’s probably not the reason.

it’s all done in pictures?      Tax breaks of biblical proportions can’t always be expressed in numbers. Sometimes a little artistry is required. The $300 million dollar tax loophole engineered for Amway by Newt Gingrich damn near parted the seas.

If the DeVos’ show the world their tax return, we might all see the face of Mary.

his tax return doesn’t matter?      Move along, nothing to see here … but as long as we’re talking about Dick’s tax return, then we’re not talking about his little black book … Let’s take a look at some of his fellow Amwayans:

  • George W. Bush
  • Rick Santorum
  • Tom DeLay
  • Bob Ney
  • Grover Norquist
  • Ralph Reed

By the way, that’s not only a partial list of Amway associates; it’s a partial list of Abramoff associates as well.

he claims the GOP as a dependent?     ‘Nuff said.

 

  1. 2 Responses to “WWDD - What Won’t Dick Do?”

  2. By Tina J on Jan 15, 2006 | Reply

    I love the way you frame things; logical, succinct, funny and provocative.

    Hey… how about this… maybe his wife doesn’t know how much money he really has .. and this way, he can make sure he can hide it if it ever comes to pass that his marriage fails!!! OH NO!!! That can’t happen to a guy like that???!! ??? Can it???

    Can you imagine the tell all book that could come out of that??? Oh, wait… Republicans don’t do that.. they wait until after the election to spill the dirt on ex-spouses. At least that is the way it was done a few years ago… didn’t the ex-Mrs Engler do that? or was I dreaming?

  3. By christine on Jan 18, 2006 | Reply

    Thanks for the comment! I wish I had about 24 more hours in a day to write. In researching for that article I found out more than I ever wanted to know about Dick DeVos.

    I used to fear Engler, I really did. But DeVos makes Engler look good. If DeVos wins you can say good-bye to public schools and wages greater than $3.25 per hour. The backbone of our economy will become motivational tapes and direct selling.

    Let’s keep the Governor’s office Dickless.

    (so to speak.)

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